Attorneys at Law???…Sure??

Could be old jokes for some…

 These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these  exchanges were actually taking place.

       ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
       WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
       WITNESS: July 18th.
       ATTORNEY: What year?
       WITNESS: Every year.
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
       WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
     all?
       WITNESS: Yes.
       ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
       WITNESS: I forget.
       ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
       forgot?
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
       WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
       ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
       WITNESS: Forty-five years.
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
        morning?
       WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
       ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
       WITNESS: My name is Susan.
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
        voodoo?
       WITNESS: We both do.
       ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
       WITNESS: We do.
       ATTORNEY: You do?
       WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his
        sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
       WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
       _______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
       WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one..
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
       WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
       WITNESS: Yes.
       ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
       WITNESS: Uh….
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
       WITNESS: Yes.
       ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
       WITNESS: None.
       ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
       WITNESS: By death.
       ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
       WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
       ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
     deposition
        notice which I sent to your attorney?
       WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
     dead
        people?
       WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
     go
        to?
       WITNESS: Oral.
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
       WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
       ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
       WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
     an
        autopsy on him!
       ______________________________________________________

       ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
       WITNESS: Huh?
       ______________________________________________________

       AND THE WINNER GOES TO…….

       ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
     for a
        pulse?
       WITNESS: No.
       ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
       WITNESS: No.
       ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
       WITNESS: No.
       ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
     you
        began the autopsy?
       WITNESS: No.
       ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
       WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
       ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
     nevertheless?
       WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
        practicing law!

 

About sick

I'm a sick man
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