Still alive… haha. enjoy!!!
Sunbathing With A Bird
A man is lying on an empty beach, subathing in the nude. He looks up to see a little girl approaching him. He looks frantically for something to cover himself with. He quickly grabs a magazine he was reading and puts it over himself.
The little girl comes up and asks what is under the magazine.
“A sleeping bird” the man says. “Don’t disturb it”.
The girl leaves, and the man falls asleep shortly after.
When he wakes up he is in a hospital with his crotch in extreme pain. The doctors ask him what happened to him. He tells them that he told a little girl it was a bird, and then went to sleep.
The doctors sent police to the beach to find the girl. When they find her, they ask her what happened.
She told them, “I got curious about the bird that the man hid. When I woke it up and began to play with it, it spit on me. So i broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and lit its nest on fire.”
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, “What’s the matter, old man, didn’t you ever do anything wild in your life?” And the old man says, “Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid.”
What Will Our Baby Be Called?
A high school girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party all alone.
Since she was very good looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her Mom said, “It is very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him ‘what will be
the name of our baby?’, that will scare them off.” So off she went.
After a little while at the party a boy started dancing with her and,little by little, kissing her and touching her. She asked him, “What will our baby be called?”
The boy found some excuse and disappeared.
Some time later the same thing happened again, a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders . . . she stopped him and asked him about the baby’s name, he ran off.
Later on another boy invited her for a walk, after a few minutes he started kissing her and she asked him, “What will our baby be called?”
He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. “What will our baby be called?” she asked once more.
He began to have sex with her. “What will our baby be called?!” she asked again.
After he was done, he took off his “full” condom, tied it in a knot and said, “If he gets out of this one . . . David Copperfield!”
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American in an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.
“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”
“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love
When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”
“Once,” he replied.
“Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to you this morning?”
Four sinners!!!Four nuns are standing in line to get into heaven. St. Paul says to the the first one, “Have you ever touched a penis before.” The nun says “Yeah, with my finger.” St. Paul says, “Dip your finger in the holy water efore you enter.” The second one says, “With my hand.” And she has to dip her whole hand in. The third one’s about to answer, but the fourth one pushes her out of the way and shouts, “IF YOU THINK IM GOING TO GARGLE THAT WATER AFTER SHE’S STUCK HER ASS IN IT, YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!”